I have never bought a CD the same day it was released. It's usually on an "I'll get around to it" basis. Death Cab's new CD "Codes and Keys" came out today. I bought it on my lunch hour. I have not listened to the whole thing yet, because I cannot stop listening to this one song.
There's no eye in the sky
Just our love
No unobstructed views, no perfect truths
Just our love
And there's no verse, no monument of words
For my love
For they can't hold all I know
About my love
Storm clouds break
Pools remain
Memories flood
Earthen graves
Evaporate
To up above
Where they become
New love
It is so clear. So calm. It is like a perfect escalation to the climax. And then it is over. I love it.
I had an amazing conversation today and I left it feeling such a desire to carve out for myself (with God's help, don't get me wrong) everything that I want my life to be. I don't really want my life to be what other people want it to be so much.
The best advice I ever got? Stop taking advice.
And especially don't listen to people who only want to compare their situation to yours and tell you why you're just like them.
Only you're not. You're you. And while I do not believe that there are "no perfect truths" I do believe that there are "No unobstructed views". Because the fact that we're the viewer is an obstruction. We see the world through our own lenses, our own perceptions and experiences. There is no escaping that. All of our views are obstructed to some degree. The world is more complicated than we want it to be. Which uncomplicates things... somehow, "It's not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know."
For now... I'm just me. Please be gentle to me. I'll figure it out some day.... then I'll probably die the next day, which is all just as well.
Fingers Crossed
I am too embarrassed to confess how many posts I have started lately and not finished. I'm not sure why I cannot write, just as I am not sure why I cannot seem to do anything lately.
Have you ever heard that phrase, "Tie a knot and hang on"? I have never had an experience before now that fit that phrase so entirely. It always seemed there was something I could do to move forward. I'm not sure why right now I feel like I am constantly striving to outlast some massive force moving decidedly and purposefully against me.
I guess I should take it as a compliment. I guess God is trusting me if he is leaving me on my own like this.
Can I do it?
I don't know.
And that's ok, I guess. Life is... life. We will never be truly disappointed unless we try to force life to be something other than it is. I am the queen of doing that, but I am looking to give my crown away.
Any takers?
In the meantime, I will keep waking up at 6:30, skipping breakfast because, who has time for that?, rushing out and driving the kids to school on my way to the office, getting there at 8:03, because being entirely on time is so... obvious. I will sit and I answer my phone and I will pray that it will stop ringing so that I can get to everything else that I need to do. Then I will take lunch at 1:00 and wish that I did not have to take lunch so that I could simply finish all of the thousands of things that are on my plate, maybe wrap up all of the little issues scrolled across the hundreds of post-it-notes that litter my desk.
After lunch I will keep working, my phone is usually more or less done ringing for the day, so I will work on all other tasks, and somehow get nowhere near finished. Then I will clock out late, because I can't bear the thought of leaving without completing X Y and Z.
I will get home late, and try to scrounge up some dinner, and I will wait until 8 or 9 when the boy comes over for an hour to two and then when he leaves at 10 I try to get the courage to go to bed.
Because if I fall asleep then I have to wake up. And if I wake up I have to do it all over again.
So I remind myself,
This is water.
And I keep going.
And if you don't know what "This is Water" means, wait for it, my friends. That post is coming... along with all of the others. Along with a better day.... (?)
Fingers? Crossed.
Life? Somehow still maintaining elements of beauty.
Have you ever heard that phrase, "Tie a knot and hang on"? I have never had an experience before now that fit that phrase so entirely. It always seemed there was something I could do to move forward. I'm not sure why right now I feel like I am constantly striving to outlast some massive force moving decidedly and purposefully against me.
I guess I should take it as a compliment. I guess God is trusting me if he is leaving me on my own like this.
Can I do it?
I don't know.
And that's ok, I guess. Life is... life. We will never be truly disappointed unless we try to force life to be something other than it is. I am the queen of doing that, but I am looking to give my crown away.
Any takers?
In the meantime, I will keep waking up at 6:30, skipping breakfast because, who has time for that?, rushing out and driving the kids to school on my way to the office, getting there at 8:03, because being entirely on time is so... obvious. I will sit and I answer my phone and I will pray that it will stop ringing so that I can get to everything else that I need to do. Then I will take lunch at 1:00 and wish that I did not have to take lunch so that I could simply finish all of the thousands of things that are on my plate, maybe wrap up all of the little issues scrolled across the hundreds of post-it-notes that litter my desk.
After lunch I will keep working, my phone is usually more or less done ringing for the day, so I will work on all other tasks, and somehow get nowhere near finished. Then I will clock out late, because I can't bear the thought of leaving without completing X Y and Z.
I will get home late, and try to scrounge up some dinner, and I will wait until 8 or 9 when the boy comes over for an hour to two and then when he leaves at 10 I try to get the courage to go to bed.
Because if I fall asleep then I have to wake up. And if I wake up I have to do it all over again.
So I remind myself,
This is water.
And I keep going.
And if you don't know what "This is Water" means, wait for it, my friends. That post is coming... along with all of the others. Along with a better day.... (?)
Fingers? Crossed.
Life? Somehow still maintaining elements of beauty.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)