Fingers Crossed

I am too embarrassed to confess how many posts I have started lately and not finished. I'm not sure why I cannot write, just as I am not sure why I cannot seem to do anything lately.
Have you ever heard that phrase, "Tie a knot and hang on"? I have never had an experience before now that fit that phrase so entirely. It always seemed there was something I could do to move forward. I'm not sure why right now I feel like I am constantly striving to outlast some massive force moving decidedly and purposefully against me.
I guess I should take it as a compliment. I guess God is trusting me if he is leaving me on my own like this.
Can I do it?
I don't know.
And that's ok, I guess. Life is... life. We will never be truly disappointed unless we try to force life to be something other than it is. I am the queen of doing that, but I am looking to give my crown away.
Any takers?
In the meantime, I will keep waking up at 6:30, skipping breakfast because, who has time for that?, rushing out and driving the kids to school on my way to the office, getting there at 8:03, because being entirely on time is so... obvious. I will sit and I answer my phone and I will pray that it will stop ringing so that I can get to everything else that I need to do. Then I will take lunch at 1:00 and wish that I did not have to take lunch so that I could simply finish all of the thousands of things that are on my plate, maybe wrap up all of the little issues scrolled across the hundreds of post-it-notes that litter my desk.
After lunch I will keep working, my phone is usually more or less done ringing for the day, so I will work on all other tasks, and somehow get nowhere near finished. Then I will clock out late, because I can't bear the thought of leaving without completing X Y and Z.
I will get home late, and try to scrounge up some dinner, and I will wait until 8 or 9 when the boy comes over for an hour to two and then when he leaves at 10 I try to get the courage to go to bed.
Because if I fall asleep then I have to wake up. And if I wake up I have to do it all over again.
So I remind myself,
This is water.
And I keep going.
And if you don't know what "This is Water" means, wait for it, my friends. That post is coming... along with all of the others. Along with a better day.... (?)
Fingers? Crossed.
Life? Somehow still maintaining elements of beauty.