On Ingratitude, Birds, and Wires

Today was a long day. The professional phrase "What are you talking about?" almost escaped my lips several times. You would think I'd learned more self control by now. OK. Tomorrow I will do better. I have decided that I have an interesting character flaw. That is, that I am a guilt ridden human being. I mean, is it really necessary to put myself through months of torture? I'm worried about work most of the time I'm at home, about what's going to happen with this or that client. You would think I would be past that by now. Today I think I only heard about every tenth word for each phone call I was on. I guess that some days are better than others. At least that's what reason tells me, per experience. I suppose that Life, liberty and the pursuit of Social Security benefits has me frustrated. I should just give up. My poor clients, they really don't comprehend all that they put me through. But, you know, that is how life goes. That's the very reason why it is important to put yourself in another's shoes. You're positive you have it hard, then someone who does not have what you have crosses your path, and then in that small moment you hate yourself, simply because their trouble is so horrific-- and then you cry, because you are so supremely grateful for your own misery, and then you vow to never complain again, and you vow that if you do God may smite you for ingratitude. Yet I always go back to that ingratitude. If only we could always remember--now and forever turn our heads and fix our eyes on what we have, and forget about everything that we don't need, and remember that so often "I" is unimportant. Oh what a bright, blessed day that would be. But for now, we go on. It's just you and me, dear reader. Pressing forward under all that must be accomplished each and every day. I want to believe that one day I'll get it right. That the "me" and "I" will stop meaning so much.
For now hopefully only comprehending every tenth word is good enough, and you might think you'd do better. If so, you don't get it. That's the point of life--the point of this.

On the same subject, but a different note, I have long since found a connection to my job in a song from an inventive, little-known artist. Radical Face's song "Glory" was written for me and my job, I am self-center-edly sure of it.

"A bird, caught in the wires
Pleading for help I can't provide, I'm not that big
I hope for the best but nothing changes, I'm sorry"

So, to all of my client's who will never read this. I am sorry. I wish I could change things. I wish I could fix things.

But that's another purpose of life. To see all of the big things we are too little to fix. To see all of the thousands of reasons that we need God.

Tens of thousands.
May He forgive me my constant, daily ingratitude.